It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
