My nipple is on Facebook.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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