he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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