How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
