Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
soo... how was my night?
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