trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
