Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
