I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize