...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize