scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
