my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
