Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
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You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
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I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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