Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
