People in love make me want to vomit
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila