he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Randomize
