spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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