I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
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