she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
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