do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
