im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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