WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
