dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Sext me about skeletons
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
