My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
