My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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