And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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