just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
