I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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