I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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