can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
smell my finger.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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