i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
