Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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