All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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