honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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