Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
