also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
