just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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