oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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