I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
