Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
