My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
