I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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