I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
