I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
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Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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