I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I think my fart just growled at me.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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