Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
