Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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