so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
