My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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