Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We left an ass print on the piano.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Text me some of your sweat
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
