Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
