What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
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He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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