happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
