Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Of course I have a pirate flag
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
