no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
