Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
