Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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