Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
