i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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