Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
