I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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