We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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