Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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