My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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