you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
