well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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