i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
