I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
50% drunk capacity currently
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
