whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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