she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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