on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
