Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
