On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
