you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
