he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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