Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
pop tarts are not kleenex
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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