I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
