His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
